Ebony-Rose: April 2007

From left to right

Front Row
Paige held by Lailah, Te Ao Marama held by Naomi, Ngaroahiahi, Toni-Jaye held by Mariah-Sioux

Back Row
Rawiri, Tuwhakaputaina, Brandon-Jaye

Taken at Yatton Park, Tauranga 2005

I will write about what I have been thinking about the most lately....
Lately I have been missing all of my family in New Zealand. I have also been thinking quite a lot about Stanley's father that passed in September just gone. I didn't have my blog then so I will enlighten you all a little ok a lot.

BJ & Ngaro in New Zealand coming from the Auckland Airport

In December 05 I took BJ & Ngaro back home for a family visit of two months, yep, I missed my family that much! & yep Stanley was staying here in OZ to work, lovely hubby I have. So we stayed for xmas and quite a bit after.

Just before our trip we had heard that Stanley's father Chuck had been a little sick, perhaps Pneumonia but they were waiting on results. So the day after we arrived I took the kids to visit him. It was great to see him and Cindy and the kids and he seemed well to me. He did have an awful cough and had cut down on smokes considerably but otherwise I thought he was the same.

He had been back and forth to the hospital over the last month which had been draining, but they weren't sure on the diagnosis yet. We stayed for a few days, then went back to my family which is only a 40 minute drive away. A couple weeks went by, xmas came and went, and mum and dad had planned a get together with their best friends for New Years Eve, so we made a whole family trip out of it.

It was a long trip about 8 hours long, it was tiring but the wait was worth it. My Auntie and Uncle manage a bar opposite the ocean it was so beautiful and refreshing. On our drive down, i noticed a couple spots on BJ. After we had arrived I knew immediately what he had as he came up with more and more spots. Chicken Pox, the nearest town with a Chemist was 2 hours away, but luckily the local store had some supplies & headed into town the next morning to get some more.

BJ at Tokomaru Bay with his Chicken Pox

We all had a great time, the kids had much fun, playing at the beach everyday, outdoor games, it was a lot of fun. BJ was a good sport too and I'm sure the sea water done wonders to his healing. It was great to catch up with Auntie Paddy & Uncle Michael and my favourite cousin Angela who is still living a single live and loving it. Oh and can't forget little Mike, Chocco as we call him. It was great. We grew up with this family in Australia, we aren't related, but have always been like family.
Those of you who know me know that I hardly drink, once in a blue moon if that! So being down there I was hoping to get one in lol. So all had been well and we spoke to hubby almost daily. I was bathing the kids getting ready to put them to bed so that i could have my long awaited drink, we had been there for about 5 days and we had two more days to go and Dad was bugging me to have a drink as it could have been the only one we could have together in years.
So just before heading down to join everyone Stanley rings me with the worst news ever. Chuck had been diagnosed with Cancer, and they had given him 6 months. I was distraught, I just couldn't believe it, I was beside myself, and I was thinking I need to get Stanley over here to see his father. So obviously after many tears had shed while on the phone, I went for a drink, a very long one at that! I went down and told my dad and well drank like it was tap water basically. We talked about our memories together, which then made me feel worse because he was still here, he was still living. I tried to make the most out of my night, before I would let reality hit me in the morning. So I drank with everyone, but mum as she was feeling ill. We had karaoke and I think that many of you don't know but I love to sing. Dad was bugging me to sing with him, well it was supposed to be Dad and his daughters, so me, Nikki & Toni, I agreed, because I have never sang with my dad, and it would have been a great opportunity. No one else would though, didn't bother me, I went up chose our song, Eagles - Hotel California and all was set. But when it came to it, Dad folded & asked my brother in law to sing with me. Cop out lol. Anyway, we loved it, and I still sang, and there was many more where that came from which lasted until the early morning.

So when we went back to Tauranga, mum and dad arranged for Stanley to fly over. I think it was 2 days after the call. I picked him up and took him straight to see Chuck. It was a lovely surprise and I was so happy for him to have seen Chuck. I don't remember how long he was here, but we ended up driving all over the show to see the rest of Stan's family.
For the last few days we stayed with Stan's father. It was always good to be around him. Chuck and Cindy came with us to take Stan to the airport. I took photo's which i still haven't developed. I am hoping there are some great ones.

That was the last time I saw Chuck & he knew who we were. We did call and try to speak to him every two weeks, but he is such a traveller, that he was almost always out and about. But when we did talk to him he seemed fine. The conversations were getting shorter as he needed his rest but I didn't really think of him being sick.

It must have been a mere 2 or 3 weeks since the last time we spoke to him and we were receiving text messages from Stanley's sister saying we need to come over now, and that Chuck is asking for Stan, he wants him there. I think the thing was that it came out of nowhere, it shocked us so much. We were on the phones to everyone trying to find out what was going on.

We spoke to Cindy while she was at the hospital with Chuck as he was meant to have Chemo but he refused it. She did sound fine, and reassured us that he was fine, so that panic left our system. But that same day, we continue to receive messages from Gina, so we ring and speak to her and she confirms that we need to get there ASAP. We knew that Chuck wouldn't ask for Stanley to come over unless he knew his time to leave was approaching. Chuck had deteriorated so quickly that there was no warning, as myself and Stan were upset that we hadn't been kept up to date.

So one or two days later Stan and BJ were flying out. We decided that Stan would go and see for himself how serious things were as we were getting such mixed messages from the two closest people in his life.

They spent a couple days up at the hospital with Chuck but he refused any treatment, he had lost sight in one eye, could barely speak and demanded to be taken home. Mum and Dad went up to the hospital to visit him also, Chuck was happy to see them and asked everyone where Ngaro was, he wanted his Ngaro. When Stan called me I could tell he wasn't well. But he held off for a couple days before telling us to come. When he realised how fast he was deteriorating he rang and all he said to me was "I made a mistake and you should have came when we did. I need you here now. " So we organised our flight which was two days away. Me and Ngaro arrived around midnight I don't remember the days at all. Stan's old friend Braedon picked us up and we went straight to the house to see him.

Cindy was so relieved when we arrived, she had been struggling it out for the last month having to look after Chuck. We held each other for a long time. You could see the relief in her face. She looked so worn out and tired. She said that Stan had been the best help ever, because she didn't have anyone else to help her out so it was such a burden lifted from her when Stan came to help.

We had a little talk before I went into see him. Stan pulled me aside and told me he doesn't look like the Chuck we know. He can't respond to me, he can't see out of either eyes and he's on morphine. I thought I would be fine but I wasn't.

I held myself together, but my heart was breaking for him. I spoke to him and told him I was sorry we didn't come sooner and that Ngaro and I were here now and it was ok, and it would all be ok. I sat with him for about 30 minutes just talking. As soon as I walked out the door, I broke down. I just couldn't believe how fast this disease had taken him away.

The next day my mother drove over to pick me up to take me back to Tauranga so I could pick up a vehicle to use. It was about 6am and I woke the two kids up and took them with me so that Stan could get some rest. We got there, I got the van we were going to use and Dad had told me to check everything out before I leave town. So I went to the gas station and pumped the tyres, but one kept going down. So I was delayed while dad came to meet me and get it fixed. I got to see my other sister briefly as she stopped in at the gas station as she knew I was headed back right away. It was a little breather and took longer for me to get back but still we made it. We went back and everyone was doing something, but we were like zombies.

For some reason, I was getting really tired. So I went into the van as I love sleeping in the car in the NZ sun, its nothing like here in Australia. So I tried and tried but I couldn't get to sleep. I had headaches but nothing helped. I was in there for an hour and Stan came and got me and told me that its almost time and to come inside.

Ever since we arrived back from Tauranga, Ngaro had been running in and out and in and out of her Koros room. She'd look at him, and say that's koro, and then run out like it was all a game. It was a gorgeous day, typical NZ weather, a bit crisp and cold but lovely sun. It was in the afternoon, we had music playing in the room as we sang, and when songs came on that we know Chuck wouldn't have liked we quickly got up to change them and giggled a little. We could all see him slowly slipping away.

Stanley sang a song and said a prayer, Cindy spoke to her darling and told him it was ok, and that she and the kids will be ok, and to just let go, but then she started to wail. Chuck knew she wasn't ok and he started to fight again, I'm sitting here in tears, remembering. Cindy apologised, and told him that they will be fine and she was sorry for crying out like that, and he began to relax again.

Silly me needed my nicotine fix, and went outside with the sister in law, a couple minutes later we hear wailing coming from the room. We knew, he had gone, he was finally gone, and in no more pain. It was a relief but then worry filled my mind, of what to do next. Stan sang and sang with his father, and spent a lot of time with him. He asked me to ring everyone to tell them of the news. I tried and I thought I can hold it together for Stanley, this is one things he's asked me to do I can do it. Boy was I wrong. I rang my parents first they were only 15 minutes away as they were coming to bring some food to the house to help out a little. I broke down, they knew what had happened but I couldn't even tell them, I just cried. Next i tried Stanley's Auntie & Uncle and the same happened, I was a wreck.

I have written such a long post already and it can very well become almost 10 times longer of the events that happened for the next 5 days after.

Waikaremoana Lake on our last day travelling to take Chuck home

We kept him for 5 days. He didn't want to be embalmed as it was against his religion. I was worried for him when I heard that but I will tell you now, its as if he was, because he held out well. He had planned everything already, which is why he was out all those times when we tried to reach him. He wanted to visit 5 places. 4 Marae and his family homestead. The trip took 3 days. First stop his homestead, which they drove past so flagged it. Which we weren't happy about. Second place was a Marae we were only staying for a couple hours but did the whole tradition welcoming on, they had prepared a meal for us it was good. From there we went to another Marae and slept the night.

I will say it was the coldest night in my entire life. And I had put on 2 pairs of pants, 3 tops and a jacket, all which I slept in. It was deep in the valleys and truly gorgeous. On our way to this Marae we were sharing the roads with Bulls and Wild Horses, too bad I was driving otherwise I would have loved to have snapped away at those, and the morning mist stayed till midday and it was cold, very cold. The next day we made our trip to the next Marae, and for some reason that didn't happen, so we ended up going to the last Marae where we would stay.

We stayed for 3 nights, we ended up at a hotel and we stayed there. There was quite a lot of uncomfortable feelings so this is what we decided to do. However on the last night Stanley stayed at the Marae and slept next to his father.

Ngaroahiahi & her uncle Te Manurongo

My parents had come down 2 days earlier, but ended up having to drive back to Tauranga which was 8 hours away because plans feel through for someone to pick up my younger sister who was away at Kapahaka. So they had arrived back that day, extremely tired and I was so happy to see them. Did I tell you the roads from the first Marae to the last one, weren't roads at all. They were dirt roads, barely wide enough to fit two cars, I was nervous driving all the way, up steep hills and back down again, is a trip that I don't ever want to make again.

Dad brought a flag to cover Chuck as Cindy wanted one, the Tinorangatiratanga flag, and it suited him. I must say though, (and I'm a bit upset that I didn't get a photo although I didn't feel it was appropriate), but Chucks Casket was the most beautiful one I had ever seen in my entire life. It was covered in Harakeke all the way around. It had patterns through the weaving and it was just stunning. I'm not sure how others might feel about me talking that way, but I can only say that is how I felt as did others. It was beautiful, fit for a king.

He was carried about a 10 minute walk up a hill to their Urupa - Grave site. The ceremony was beautiful, I sat and cried and we sang and his children sang and the day was beautiful. It was good to meet the family that we never knew. We had people in awe of our daughter because of her name. We didn't know that Ngaro was named after someone, and she was the second. All the Kuia just loved her.

Stan & his younger brother Manu

All in all it was just an amazing journey, trip and we learnt a lot from it and met so many that we are happy to have met. It was somewhat of a relief for me to get back to my family and just relax with them for the next couple of days.

So that was our Journey to Lake Waikaremoana - Tuhoe. The first time I had ever been down there, but it was honestly beautiful and we can see why he wanted to buried back home.

BJ with Urupa in distance

I really miss him as I'm sure we all do. In this picture off into the distance above BJ's head is where Chuck is buried. I love this photo, he obviously is doing a Pukana, but wasn't prompted to, I was just taking shots of the Urupa and BJ jumps in and does that, so its special to me.

I have heard that her and the kids are moving to the Lake this year to live.

Chuck you were special and you still are! The kids still talk about you and remember their times with their Koro Truck!! lol